Noah Puckerman's Guide to High School
by inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: It was a new year at McKinley and that meant fresh meat. As part of his community service, which was somehow still going on, he'd been asked to show the freshmen the ins and outs of the high school. If these kids were actually going to survive their freshman year, they needed to know who everyone was and what that meant.


Puck sighed, he couldn't believe he was being forced to do this. It was his free period! Not to mention that Rachel also had a free period and he almost had her convinced that they could spend it in the janitor's closet or his truck. Yup, definitely his truck.

"Alright, your group will be shown around by Noah Puckerman." The lady at the door smiled at the small group of freshmen who stood there cowering in front of him.

"'S Puck." He corrected, looking over the small 15 year olds. "Alright, let's go." He quickly walked away, hearing them all scurry to keep up behind him. Everyone was still in the hallways and none of them paid attention to the group who were huddled together with their shoulders slumped, trying not to catch anyone's eye.

It was a new year at McKinley and that meant fresh meat. As part of his community service, which was somehow still going on, he'd been asked to show the freshmen the ins and outs of the high school. Keep it simple. That was the advice he'd been given; show them where things were. But Puck knew that was useless. If these kids were actually going to survive their freshman year, they needed to know who everyone was and what that meant.

"Alright, listen carefully because I'm only gonna say this once. No matter how cool you were in middle school, you're not popular in high school. You gotta earn that shit and that means climbing your way up the social ladder, if you're bothered about all that crap, that is." He nodded as Santana and Brittany walked passed with their pinkies interlocked, giggling and whispering in each other's ears.

"Who are they?" A short blonde girl asked, staring after the cheerleaders with a look of amazement on her face which Puck tried hard not to chuckle at.

"That's Santana and Brittany. Britt's harmless but Santana will mess you up if you go near either of them. That uniform they're wearing? Stay away from anyone wearing it. Means they're a Cheerio – the school's cheerleaders. That lot are right on the top of the pyramid." He rolled his eyes as some of the boys stared at the legs of Cheerios walking past, boy, this lot had a lot to learn.

Jacob Ben Israel squeaked and jumped out of his way as they walked down the hallway. Puck smirked slightly; glad to know the kid no longer had a death wish. Despite Puck having thrown him in a dumpster nearly every day of his high school career, the message that he needed to stop perving on innocent girls (more specifically, Puck's innocent girl) didn't seem to sink into the curly haired boy's brain. That was until a particularly unfortunate incident the previous year where somehow he'd ended in buried in McKinley High's kitchen dumpster with bags slashed open.

"Puck!" Sam called and held his hand up for a high five which Puck gladly reciprocated, smiling at his friend.

"'Sup dude?" The self-proclaimed badass slapped his friend on the back.

"This the new meat? Shit Puckerman, no wonder they look terrified. Who the hell let _you_ show them around?" The blonde laughed, tilting his head in a form of greeting to the freshman.

"Fuck off Evans, don't you have a diva to chase?" Puck laughed as the blonde looked around before running down the corridor, shouting a goodbye as he went.

They continued on their path until the hockey team walked past, slushies in their hands and glares on their faces. Puck sighed as some sophomore was doused in the cold drink, the poor girl gasping for air. She was ushered past them and into the toilets by her friend whilst the freshmen stared with looks of horror on their faces.

"Why did they do that?" Some boy asked, looking as if he were about to cry. Puck tried oh so hard not to laugh at his expression.

"You see a letterman jacket, check their hands. Slushies are the norm here at McKinley and you're freshmen so you'd better get used to it. Keep a towel and a change of clothes in your locker. That's my advice." He smirked, watching people duck out the way as the hockey team continued on their way, high fiving as they went.

"But, y-you're wearing a letterman jacket?" A brunette asked, her eyes wide as she looked up at him.

"It's just a general rule shorty, not all of us do it. Especially not those who have a girlfriend who would bite our asses for it." He smirked, thinking of his uptight beauty.

"You have a girlfriend?" Some short punk asked, raising an eyebrow at the taller boy.

"Got a problem with that?" He replied quickly, trying not to smirk at the way the boy flinched.

"No, but my brother said you sleep with anything that walks." The small boy replied and Puck felt himself grow tense until he felt a familiar small hand on his back.

"He used to." His girlfriend said with a smirk, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Then someone tamed him."

"Oh, don't go getting all cocky now, baby." He smirked, pulling her directly into his arms.

"Shh, you know you love it." The little smile on her face drove him wild and he cupped her face, kissing her hard and long until one of the little buggers had the audacity to clear their throat.

"Got a problem with me kissing my girl?" He asked, glaring at the group whose eyes got even wider and they shuddered.

"Noah!" Rachel admonished, running a hand over his 'hawk.

"Baby, they interrupted my Berry time." He complained, nuzzling her shoulder with her nose. "And I bet they were staring, the little perverts."

"Noah!" She said again, holding his face in her hands. "I highly doubt they were staring. Now, continue with what I'm sure was your good job. I'll see you later."

"Hang on one second." He let her go for a second to shrug out of his letterman jacket and sling it over her shoulders. She gave him a look and he shrugged. "What baby? You looked cold."

"This has nothing to do with the fact that Lauren Reya just got slushied?" She raised an eyebrow as she slid her arms into the sleeves of the jacket.

"Can't have you getting cold. That shit's not kosher." He grinned, moving some hair away from her face.

"You can't use that as an excuse for everything, I'm starting to doubt you remember what is kosher." She smirked, her hand coming to fiddle with the Star of David that hung around her neck, worn due to the fact she was eating dinner at his house that night. His mom absolutely loved Rachel and all her subtle hints that she wanted her to marry Puck were only fuelled by Rachel's insistence to remind his mother of her faith.

"Any animal that has cloven hooves and chews its cud." He smirked tugging her into his arms once more. "I know my Torah baby. We on for tonight? After your dance practice."

"I promised Daddy I'd help him make dinner but of course you are welcome to join us." She grinned up at him, pecking his lips quickly.

"Cool, I'll just hang with Daddy Berry numero dos." Puck winked and Rachel threw her head back, a giggle escaping her lips.

"I have serious concerns with that nickname."

"Your dads don't. They think their daughter's boyfriend giving them a nickname makes them badass." He chuckled and Rachel blushed, knowing it was true.

"Moving on from my fathers' odd definition of what makes a badass, I really have to go else I'll be marked as truant." She smiled and pulled herself out of his arms, turning to the group of freshmen in front of her. "If anyone of you can sing, we have openings in the Glee club. Auditions are on Friday in the auditorium which is next to the library. I hope to see some of you there."

With that she pecked Puck's lips once more before skipping off down the hallway, her extremely short skirt threatening to fly up with every movement.

"Skirt baby!" He shouted after her, a smile on his face.

"You weren't complaining this morning!" She hollered back, a smile on her face.

"That's Rachel Berry and there's only one thing you need to know about her. She's fucking off limits. Now stop staring you perverts." With a smirk he turned around and continued down the hallway, the group of freshmen following in his wake. Every single last one had an awed expression on their face.


End file.
